I'm just incredibly busy with school. If I'm not in class, I'm studying or working to pick up cash since I'm not working full time and student loans cover so little. I am trying to fit in runs, and I have my husband added on to my student gym membership. If my student fees pay for it, might as well use it. So we've attempted to do that in the mornings before class/work. However we've been shitty lately because we're both so zonked and want the extra hour of sleep. No excuses. I am trying to run at least once a week. I'd rather it be 3 times or daily, but I'll take what I can get right now.
I am no thinner than I was a year ago. That annoys me. However, I am "only" 5 lbs heaver than I was in January. Considering how much time I have been sitting on my ass in a classroom and sitting on my ass and studying, it could be worse. But it could be better. "Only 5 lbs." It's never really "only" is it when it comes to fat people gaining weight. Any gain is shit. So yeah. That's not acceptable.
I am not inspiring or glorious or one of those faboo words, so if you're looking for that, go to someone on my sidebar. In the meantime, I'll try to lose the rest of my fat .
For the record, October is the best time to run outside. I declare this as fact. I'm getting as much as I can, but I don't get home until 4:30, there's dinner and I have to give the husband some face time so he remembers me, and it gets dark around 7, so it's not always easy. But damn it feels great.
So, anyway, I'm not quitting the weight loss/healthy living game. I just don't have time to write about it. If I have to choose between living it and writing about it, I'm going to live it and let the writing go.
Be healthy, and if I don't see you before then, I "may" have some free time in July of 2013. :)
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
So here's the thing...
Lest ye think I forgot about trying to get healthy/be healthy, I have not. Time for blogging just isn't something I have in spades, so I'd rather just do things instead of writing about things that are likely quite mundane to the majority of people. Like what I ate or did or did not do for exercise that day, how classes went...did I go to work that day? You know, boring stuff. No insult to those who manage to keep up blogging, but I can't seem to manage it lately. That being said, here's the write up for my potential master's project. I'm supposed to start it for realz in the fall, but they have us doing pre-emptive stuff during the summer session. Namely, an annotated bibliography. AKA pain in the ass. This will help later, so they tell me...
So anyway, here it is in it's rough rough rough draft form. Actually, this isn't a draft, just an abstract.
Any and all comments are welcome.
XOXOXO,
Me
p.s. In case you were missing the mundane deetz of my life, I'm going to go mow the lawn with the push mower now. I need to get my sweat on with actual movement. With the hellish heat around nya the last week or so, exercise has been non-existent. It will be nice to say I did something to earn the sweat instead of just breathing, which is what has been the case recently.
Weight bias, and its impact on health care seeking by obese patients
The issue of obesity has become an increasing cause and comorbidity for a number of health problems. There is no doubt that, left unchecked, it will kill and harm untold numbers of people and be a drain on the health care system as a whole. Unfortunately, it is not a cut and dried issue of a disease needing a cure. The causes and contributing factors to obesity are still not completely understood. Complicating the matter is the stigma associated with obesity/overweight. Obese and overweight individuals are well aware of the biases society and professionals have toward them due to their weight. In spite of their increased health risks due to obesity, they are loathe to seek medical care due to these biases and sometimes unpleasant treatment they receive on a personal level. This hesitation to seek healthcare can further exacerbate their symptoms, and leave them vulnerable to further complications and possibly deadly consequences of their excess weight. Moreover, by not seeking any health care, or not receiving it while there, they are not receiving potential assistance in reducing excess weight, and thus, improving their health status and future health.
This paper is a literature review of the research done in the areas of weight biases in healthcare, the impact they have upon health seeking behaviors on the part of patients and their preventative care.
Additionally there will be a search for literature offering potential solutions to weight bias affecting care and ultimately getting patients the care they need before things become too critical for their health to be salvaged.
So anyway, here it is in it's rough rough rough draft form. Actually, this isn't a draft, just an abstract.
Any and all comments are welcome.
XOXOXO,
Me
p.s. In case you were missing the mundane deetz of my life, I'm going to go mow the lawn with the push mower now. I need to get my sweat on with actual movement. With the hellish heat around nya the last week or so, exercise has been non-existent. It will be nice to say I did something to earn the sweat instead of just breathing, which is what has been the case recently.
Weight bias, and its impact on health care seeking by obese patients
The issue of obesity has become an increasing cause and comorbidity for a number of health problems. There is no doubt that, left unchecked, it will kill and harm untold numbers of people and be a drain on the health care system as a whole. Unfortunately, it is not a cut and dried issue of a disease needing a cure. The causes and contributing factors to obesity are still not completely understood. Complicating the matter is the stigma associated with obesity/overweight. Obese and overweight individuals are well aware of the biases society and professionals have toward them due to their weight. In spite of their increased health risks due to obesity, they are loathe to seek medical care due to these biases and sometimes unpleasant treatment they receive on a personal level. This hesitation to seek healthcare can further exacerbate their symptoms, and leave them vulnerable to further complications and possibly deadly consequences of their excess weight. Moreover, by not seeking any health care, or not receiving it while there, they are not receiving potential assistance in reducing excess weight, and thus, improving their health status and future health.
This paper is a literature review of the research done in the areas of weight biases in healthcare, the impact they have upon health seeking behaviors on the part of patients and their preventative care.
Additionally there will be a search for literature offering potential solutions to weight bias affecting care and ultimately getting patients the care they need before things become too critical for their health to be salvaged.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
A history in chemicals...
In order to self-medicate/self-soothe from age 6-19, I used compulsive overeating, plus a brief affair with purging (age 17-19).
Then we discovered the magic of better living through chemistry...
In the beginning, there was...Paxil---age 19
Zoloft---age 22
Serzone---age 24
Effexor XR---age 25
Effexor XR + Wellbutrin SR---age 27
Wellbutrin SR---age 27
Wellbutrin SR + Effexor XR---age 27 Can you tell that 27 was a fun year for me???
Effexor XR---age 29
NOTHING---age 31 <---Insert nervous breakdown/ very ugly discovery that I truly need chemical antidepressants/anti-anxiety meds here.
Prozac---age 31
Prozac +Wellbutrin XR---age 32
Age 34-----Prozac +Wellbutrin XR + RUNNING = best antidepressant/anti-anxiety agent ever for me.
Crazy shit, yo.
Then we discovered the magic of better living through chemistry...
In the beginning, there was...Paxil---age 19
Zoloft---age 22
Serzone---age 24
Effexor XR---age 25
Effexor XR + Wellbutrin SR---age 27
Wellbutrin SR---age 27
Wellbutrin SR + Effexor XR---age 27 Can you tell that 27 was a fun year for me???
Effexor XR---age 29
NOTHING---age 31 <---Insert nervous breakdown/ very ugly discovery that I truly need chemical antidepressants/anti-anxiety meds here.
Prozac---age 31
Prozac +Wellbutrin XR---age 32
Age 34-----Prozac +Wellbutrin XR + RUNNING = best antidepressant/anti-anxiety agent ever for me.
Crazy shit, yo.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I know, right?
My last entry was a bit pissy, and then I disappeared. Well, I thought I'd write over my "summer break," but I didn't. I spent my time in the yard, traveling back and forth for the brother's wedding stuff (less than 2 weeks away, yo). And general shenanigans. Okay, there were naps. Shenanigans were pretty rare.
I believe I had THE most boring break of all my classmates, but I exercised, I ate better, and actually lost at least 4 lbs (shark week, so I don't know the true loss, at the moment).
Read lots of blogs, commented a smidge, but that's all I contributed to the fatosphere.
I know people worry when bloggers stop writing. I do, myself. But in my case, I'm just busy doing stuff away from a computer. I figure this is good because I'm not sitting on my ass for long stretches, if nothing else.
Thanks to Krissie, I started using myfitnesspal.com just to see if it's better than sparkpeople. *shrug* They aren't wildly different, but their food info is way better, in my opinion. I dunno, I think I'll stay with them for now for my tracking needs. Sorry sparkpeople, if I get tired of tracking with them, I'll be back to you. Either way, I need to track somewhere. That's just how it is. Even if I don't for a few days, I have to go back to it. It really keeps me eating healthier. I hate that I need it, but it is what it is. Not keeping track got me fat. Tracking helps me lose weight or maintain it.
So yeah, don't worry. I will still check in, and like I said a while ago, I still update my tumblr almost daily with a grateful picture. It also has some of my random Twitter quotes in there. No idea how they decide which ones go on my tumblr. Don't really care.
So if you actually miss reading/seeing my shit on a more regular basis (HA) go here:
http://mrshappypants.tumblr.com/
Keep fighting the good fight against our self-destructive sides and know I'm still there with you, fighting my own demons, even if I'm not writing at length.
I believe I had THE most boring break of all my classmates, but I exercised, I ate better, and actually lost at least 4 lbs (shark week, so I don't know the true loss, at the moment).
Read lots of blogs, commented a smidge, but that's all I contributed to the fatosphere.
I know people worry when bloggers stop writing. I do, myself. But in my case, I'm just busy doing stuff away from a computer. I figure this is good because I'm not sitting on my ass for long stretches, if nothing else.
Thanks to Krissie, I started using myfitnesspal.com just to see if it's better than sparkpeople. *shrug* They aren't wildly different, but their food info is way better, in my opinion. I dunno, I think I'll stay with them for now for my tracking needs. Sorry sparkpeople, if I get tired of tracking with them, I'll be back to you. Either way, I need to track somewhere. That's just how it is. Even if I don't for a few days, I have to go back to it. It really keeps me eating healthier. I hate that I need it, but it is what it is. Not keeping track got me fat. Tracking helps me lose weight or maintain it.
So yeah, don't worry. I will still check in, and like I said a while ago, I still update my tumblr almost daily with a grateful picture. It also has some of my random Twitter quotes in there. No idea how they decide which ones go on my tumblr. Don't really care.
So if you actually miss reading/seeing my shit on a more regular basis (HA) go here:
http://mrshappypants.tumblr.com/
Keep fighting the good fight against our self-destructive sides and know I'm still there with you, fighting my own demons, even if I'm not writing at length.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Shocking but true
I am still alive, and I survived my first semester. I am no fatter than I was 6 months ago, however, I am also not thinner. I ate stuff, or more accurately drank stuff that would make the diehards (who I still read, but don't compare to, even slightly) shit themselves. Still overweight, not obese, and currently experiencing shark week.
I've gone through some interesting things in the last 5 months, mentally, and frankly I am a bit grumpy at the moment. I have been all week. Thanks, hormones. I love being pissy and hating myself even though I haven't done anything monumentally stupid in between the "okay with" me and "what the fuck is wrong with me" time. Gotta love shark week.
Now that the dust from the prior semester has settled, I am looking around and seeing what time I squandered that I could have spent a) making my house nice, and b) making my body a lot closer to the "me ideal". That is, the best body I can have. I won't grow taller, but I can make my body thinner and stronger. I still want the stronger part. More than ever, maybe.
My attitude has shifted a little as far as exercise options. I am now (or was before the semester ended) taking zumba/cardio dance classes at the gym at school. I paid the fees, might as well use it. I look awful, but I enjoy it thoroughly. This is definitely a shift for me. However...my running has suffered, especially during studying crunch times, which is ahhhh the last 4 months. And I feel like if it's not running...well, it doesn't count for me. I know, until about a year ago, I never ran unless I was being chased or playing with my nieces and nephews. And doing other things like mowing the lawn with the push mower burns calories... But I'm different now. I demand more from myself. Because I can.
Running makes me feel like I'm pushing my body to its real limits, not what's in my head. I'm working my heart, stretching my lungs, and sweating the fat and fear and pain out.
Granted, during heavy study weeks, I settled with letting Zumba be my substitute for cardio, but now I'm wringing my hands at the thought of running a 5K next weekend (the anniversary of my 1st 5K), because I'm so NOT in shape for it. I've also been battling a cold/chest congestion/phlegm fest for the last month that I can't seem to shake the last of. And when you can't breathe too well sitting on your ass, breathing while running is not as easy as it was (which it isn't). At least I'm not blowing my nose every 5 seconds and getting stuff from my nose and I hadn't seen since my childhood. That part has since passed a few weeks ago. Waaaaaahh. Yeah, I know. Big fucking deal. I'm not looking for pity, just saying that it wasn't pure laziness that's sidelined this hippo for the last month. But still, a lot of laziness.Too much.
So that's what's up 'round nya. You've got a cranky pants who's working toward getting to Mrs. Happy Pants again.
TANGENT...I know a lot of you read Chris. If you don't you should. Anyway, she talks about digging down to see why you're pulling yourself down in whatever ways. Digging around in chicken shit to clean the coop, I believe is the analogy. This actually makes me want to barf a little because I have seen a barn full of chickens (yay mullet hunting!) and seen and smelled their shit. It's very unpleasant (<-------understatement). So she gets a little more of a visceral response out of me from her analogy than some people, I imagine. At any rate, I think of her analogy often, and she often refers to it herself, even though she's been so much more focused on herself and improving herself in every area. You'd think she wouldn't need to, but she does anyway. Things like to creep up on us, and she still has to poke a stick at the demons trying to get in the door, once in a while. Selfishly (in my opinion), I am relieved that she is still a "soldier" against the tyranny of self, as I am. And yet, I'm proud of and encouraged by her success. So it isn't schadenfreude, bitches. More of a...she has to fight forever, too. I won't be the only one who's never totally "cured." ANYWAY...I was giving credit because she's, you know, right. So. I've found myself feeling unpleasant feelings about things I didn't know I still cared about. Or things I wouldn't think about because I didn't want to waste energy on them. Or things I didn't even know I cared about. The feelings have manifested themselves in the last few months in pissy moods, dragging through a day, or my personal favorite, NIGHTMARES!!! One night this week, I covered so many areas of resentment/fear/insecurity over the course of my sleep, I awoke feeling like I had run a race. I even took a minute to make a list of all the areas that were covered. Crazy shit.
Anyway, this is a roundabout way of saying that you may see some bitching and "what the fuck"-ing and postulating and ruminating. AND asking for opinions. And these things aren't directly about weight loss and health. So I'm sorry if you're disappointed. But then again, they are. When left to fester, eventually, my eating gets disrupted. Later than it used to, but still disrupted. Eventually, everything that rots will smell bad. My dysfunctional thought patterns are no exception. Eventually they stink with the stench of poor food choices and slovenly behavior.
So there it is. All over the place as usual. You know you missed it.
I've gone through some interesting things in the last 5 months, mentally, and frankly I am a bit grumpy at the moment. I have been all week. Thanks, hormones. I love being pissy and hating myself even though I haven't done anything monumentally stupid in between the "okay with" me and "what the fuck is wrong with me" time. Gotta love shark week.
Now that the dust from the prior semester has settled, I am looking around and seeing what time I squandered that I could have spent a) making my house nice, and b) making my body a lot closer to the "me ideal". That is, the best body I can have. I won't grow taller, but I can make my body thinner and stronger. I still want the stronger part. More than ever, maybe.
My attitude has shifted a little as far as exercise options. I am now (or was before the semester ended) taking zumba/cardio dance classes at the gym at school. I paid the fees, might as well use it. I look awful, but I enjoy it thoroughly. This is definitely a shift for me. However...my running has suffered, especially during studying crunch times, which is ahhhh the last 4 months. And I feel like if it's not running...well, it doesn't count for me. I know, until about a year ago, I never ran unless I was being chased or playing with my nieces and nephews. And doing other things like mowing the lawn with the push mower burns calories... But I'm different now. I demand more from myself. Because I can.
Running makes me feel like I'm pushing my body to its real limits, not what's in my head. I'm working my heart, stretching my lungs, and sweating the fat and fear and pain out.
Granted, during heavy study weeks, I settled with letting Zumba be my substitute for cardio, but now I'm wringing my hands at the thought of running a 5K next weekend (the anniversary of my 1st 5K), because I'm so NOT in shape for it. I've also been battling a cold/chest congestion/phlegm fest for the last month that I can't seem to shake the last of. And when you can't breathe too well sitting on your ass, breathing while running is not as easy as it was (which it isn't). At least I'm not blowing my nose every 5 seconds and getting stuff from my nose and I hadn't seen since my childhood. That part has since passed a few weeks ago. Waaaaaahh. Yeah, I know. Big fucking deal. I'm not looking for pity, just saying that it wasn't pure laziness that's sidelined this hippo for the last month. But still, a lot of laziness.Too much.
So that's what's up 'round nya. You've got a cranky pants who's working toward getting to Mrs. Happy Pants again.
TANGENT...I know a lot of you read Chris. If you don't you should. Anyway, she talks about digging down to see why you're pulling yourself down in whatever ways. Digging around in chicken shit to clean the coop, I believe is the analogy. This actually makes me want to barf a little because I have seen a barn full of chickens (yay mullet hunting!) and seen and smelled their shit. It's very unpleasant (<-------understatement). So she gets a little more of a visceral response out of me from her analogy than some people, I imagine. At any rate, I think of her analogy often, and she often refers to it herself, even though she's been so much more focused on herself and improving herself in every area. You'd think she wouldn't need to, but she does anyway. Things like to creep up on us, and she still has to poke a stick at the demons trying to get in the door, once in a while. Selfishly (in my opinion), I am relieved that she is still a "soldier" against the tyranny of self, as I am. And yet, I'm proud of and encouraged by her success. So it isn't schadenfreude, bitches. More of a...she has to fight forever, too. I won't be the only one who's never totally "cured." ANYWAY...I was giving credit because she's, you know, right. So. I've found myself feeling unpleasant feelings about things I didn't know I still cared about. Or things I wouldn't think about because I didn't want to waste energy on them. Or things I didn't even know I cared about. The feelings have manifested themselves in the last few months in pissy moods, dragging through a day, or my personal favorite, NIGHTMARES!!! One night this week, I covered so many areas of resentment/fear/insecurity over the course of my sleep, I awoke feeling like I had run a race. I even took a minute to make a list of all the areas that were covered. Crazy shit.
Anyway, this is a roundabout way of saying that you may see some bitching and "what the fuck"-ing and postulating and ruminating. AND asking for opinions. And these things aren't directly about weight loss and health. So I'm sorry if you're disappointed. But then again, they are. When left to fester, eventually, my eating gets disrupted. Later than it used to, but still disrupted. Eventually, everything that rots will smell bad. My dysfunctional thought patterns are no exception. Eventually they stink with the stench of poor food choices and slovenly behavior.
So there it is. All over the place as usual. You know you missed it.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
In case you were wondering where I am...
I got a tumblr account. It allows me to post little shit I find interesting, funny, inspiring, or all of the above.
More lengthy stuff will be here, but since I lack the time for posts of any length until Anatomy is over (May 3rd), I may stick some stuff on tumblr instead. If I can find time for that.
Weighed in today and am pleased with the direction things are going. 3 pounds less than 10 days ago. I'll take it.
Here:
http://mrshappypants.tumblr.com/
Follow, or not :)
-Me
More lengthy stuff will be here, but since I lack the time for posts of any length until Anatomy is over (May 3rd), I may stick some stuff on tumblr instead. If I can find time for that.
Weighed in today and am pleased with the direction things are going. 3 pounds less than 10 days ago. I'll take it.
Here:
http://mrshappypants.tumblr.com/
Follow, or not :)
-Me
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Boring update thing
Hey there. Still here. Back to classes. Yawn. For you, not me. Yes I get tired, but I have too much to do to be bored.
Still running. I am actually getting faster, I think. Go figure! My endurance still displeases me, but that's endurance for you. You have to keep doing it to build it.
Being much better with my food. It's happy bleeding pants time again, so my weight is not exactly reliable, in my opinion. As in, sometimes it's high, sometimes it seems ridiculously low in light of prior weigh-ins. Yay, hormones.
Other than that, I don't have much to offer, other than persistance. I'm a stubborn bitch, and occasionally it works in my favor (persistance).
I have much studying to do for Anatomy. As usual. As much fun as your pelvis can be (insert 70's porn music here), I find myself rather despising the studying of it for that class. And I've thought of going into the OB/GYN field!
I also have to find a fad diet to critique for my Obesity class. As in, what is it, what does it claim, pros and cons, etc. I'm picking the Hollywood Cookie diet. Why? Because it cracks my still fat ass up. But it's due Friday, so I need to get cracking.
A lot of us are under more stress than usual it seems, but we can make it.
As the 12-step kids say, keep on keeping on, guys.
Still running. I am actually getting faster, I think. Go figure! My endurance still displeases me, but that's endurance for you. You have to keep doing it to build it.
Being much better with my food. It's happy bleeding pants time again, so my weight is not exactly reliable, in my opinion. As in, sometimes it's high, sometimes it seems ridiculously low in light of prior weigh-ins. Yay, hormones.
Other than that, I don't have much to offer, other than persistance. I'm a stubborn bitch, and occasionally it works in my favor (persistance).
I have much studying to do for Anatomy. As usual. As much fun as your pelvis can be (insert 70's porn music here), I find myself rather despising the studying of it for that class. And I've thought of going into the OB/GYN field!
I also have to find a fad diet to critique for my Obesity class. As in, what is it, what does it claim, pros and cons, etc. I'm picking the Hollywood Cookie diet. Why? Because it cracks my still fat ass up. But it's due Friday, so I need to get cracking.
A lot of us are under more stress than usual it seems, but we can make it.
As the 12-step kids say, keep on keeping on, guys.
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